On Darkness

My darkness is not easy to describe considering my eclectic and eccentric self.  It is rather ambiguous in that there is more than one interpretation.  You cannot take a cookie cutter and get the exact same shape.  Yet there is an essence to it, a certain core if you will that is at the center of it.  I am a chameleon, or in fantasy terms, a shape shifter.  As I shift and push further, the moments in-between yield to an understanding of this essence.

I am only beginning to finally understand it.  Yet my darkness is this quest for knowledge and to answer the why? Why this?  Why not that?  Or how did this become this way?  This quest is probably what makes me so dangerous in a way.  I ask the hard questions, to get to the purpose, the brutal “truth.”  But truth can be rather dubious even paradoxial at times.  I often subscribe to polyvalent logic.  To give the quickest overview of this the logic is as follows.  Are gods real? Yes.  Are they fake? Yes.  It is not so much a cop out for sticking up for beliefs, as the realization of many matters.  Does Gods matter to the atheist? Hell no, but to the polytheistic believer yes.  Is either one right or wrong? No, there is no evidence to support it, it is all rather unconfirmed and vague.  Just because we see a bunch of bunnies that are gray, does not mean they cannot be white either.  You can google it, but there was once a case where an animal people thought was extinct has come back incredibly.  Just because you do not see it, does not mean it cannot be true.  Which is normally the basis of our reality, our experiences, and even we philosopize about various subjects.

The truth is, my darkness, is like shutting off the lights.  Yet when I think about it, it is easy for our minds to play tricks on us when it is dark.  We are scared and frightened and often not at ease with it because of the creatures that go bump in the dark.  It’s a natural insticnt humans have, “light” i.e. fire, sunshine = good.  We love the world of light because we can “percieve” so easily.  Yet when the lights go off it is not.  It is harder to get at the truth but so much more valuable when you can.  There was once a video I watched about a blind man who could paint real objects and the paintings looked rather good.  He painted with just his fingers.  Interestingly enough he has never seen, but his paintings look like the real world. So we can “see” even when our eyes go out.

Another point to bring up is the concept of emptiness.  I often associated my emptiness with darkness but the more I have thought about it, the more I feel that is not quite true.  While the big bang theory might not be as accurate, there was not much at the beginning, but there was something.  So while we think that there is an “emptiness” to various concepts, there really is not.  There is substance to it all if you will.  While a room (house or apartment) is empty when you move in, it is not as empty as you think about.  There are walls, there is a door, windows, maybe curtains, and closet(s).  In a sense, you start from somewhere, you have a background from somewhere which is only a continuation of something else.  But you fill that room, that universe, with yourself, just it becomes more full.  On facebook there was this thing about a professor teaching a class, he filled first the jar with marbles, than pebbles, then sand, then water.  Yet if you fill the jar with just water or even sand at the beginning, you do not have much room for anything else.  Our lives are like that for better or for worse.

What does this mean for me as a student of the dark aspect? Nothing, everything.  The quote here applies, “Nothing is true, everything is permitted.”  Who knows what substance our reality is of?  Maybe there are several planes of the astral, maybe everything is made of strings, or maybe our universe is a hologram.  It does not make me despair that I may not have all the answers I want about everything, but that is okay. My intellect is sharp, I keep it sharp, and since I first started my journey it has become even sharper.  While this may all sound rather enigmatic, the truth is, life is unfathomable.  Life is not black and white, it’s all gray.  All rather abstract, but this is me, and my individual path of synthesis.

Belief in God(s) pt 2

This is part two.

In ancient times (as far as we know), there was no religion or real “science.”  Religion and spiritual paths began to form as people began to try and explain the natural world.  What is that loud noise as it rains?  Why does it rain?  That is why ancient religions based upon the area they live are a bit different.  Yes there are common parts, like goddess of hearth and love and god/desses of war and why there is gods of fate in many religions.  So when I start thinking of the Gods I ask myself this:

Are Gods real?
Is our encounters with “Gods” an encounter with a normal entity? Or a more spiritually advanced being?
Are all “Gods” one and the same? Just different “aspects?” Think of a crystal or a dice, there is many sides to it, so are there just many sides to it?
Did the belief in “Gods” actually create them? In reference I am saying, does such focus and energy on their existence made them come into life?  There was a study done that when people prayed for another whether they knew them or not, that person would get better faster.  So did that focus of energy and prayer make them come into being?
Or did they really exist since before human existence?
Are the “Gods” we know of just super-powered beings who serve a more powerful being?
Are “Gods” just psychological constructions and when we come into contact with them we come in contact with our “subconsciousness?”
I feel stupid but…Are they “aliens?” Or beings from an alternative universe?
Or what do we feel as “Gods” is the Universe as one “Entity” and we are just one small “cell” of it?

I have to many questions and thus I cannot really believe in Gods.

Belief in God(s)

I once wrote on it on my tumblr page, but I’ll discourse my views again.  If you want to, you can read the old post here.

I do not believe in God(s), at least not in the sense they are represented by the mythos of all the cultures.  Their mythos was their way of trying to explain the casual world.  I cannot accept God(s) almost like us, should they not as God(s) be different if not, better versions of I guess, human beings, or another race?  From the Bible to every tale I have found of God(s), they may be pretty much immortal, but they are childish, immature, and fickle in every way.  Maybe it is because when I think of God(s) I think of perfection when it comes to God(s).  If they could live for so long, cannot they not overcome such petty jealousies? It is why I have struggled with any idea the God(s) are real.

The closest I can to believing God(s) exist that we ourselves are “demi-Gods.”  To a point we can control our lives and choose our “destiny.”  Destiny/fate does not exist except that as the manifestation of of our actions as consequences. We may not see these manifestations or understand the pattern it has formed to create it.  I can choose to step in front of the car driving down the street and I can choose not to, thus through choice we create our destiny. However, Nature is beyond our control.  There are forces out there that can impact our lives and thus changing it, like a sudden tornado appearing and ripping apart a home.  Life is full of random circumstances but I believe that when we focus our Will into the Universe we can make changes.

Maybe I am wrong.  I am always open for changing how I feel about this issue.  I know I struggle with “faith” because I try and see everything so logically.  If God is all power why does he/she/it not do….?  I cannot believe that God is my protector in any form.  There are billions of people upon the planet, why should he care for one person? No matter how extremely intelligent and all-powerful some God he may be. I cannot reason with the existence of the Christian God.  I appreciate the religion in what it tries to teach but to few follow the teaching as they should.  For those who do, I honor at least, the truth you have found in your spirit.