Sapling to Tree (WIP)

Once while watching Shrek, Shrek said something profound, Ogres are like onions. They have many layers. Trees have many layers too, but we know them as rings and the rings of a tree tell us how long this tree has been around. The tree rings can tell a lot about the climate the tree has experienced.

For us, it is more invisible. Each year, say, by our birthday, we’ve added new growth to ourselves. Sometimes its a lot, sometimes it is a little. No one expects you to feel different when you hit milestones of 18 or 21. In the present moment, you probably don’t feel different from yesterday. That’s okay. The growth is not apparent until you look deeper.

As I write this I’m 23, I still have many years left in my life. But inside I’m still 19, a part of me retains the stress mental break down I had. I’m still 18, fool hardy with freedom getting to my head affecting my college work. I’m still 16, hurt by a mother who doesn’t give me love or support. I’m still 13, depressed and miserable from the verbal abuse. But right now I’m 23, in love, trying to pay back my debts, stressed to hell and back, but still moving forward.

Some seeds grow, like ideas spawning through different times of your life. So you grow “new skin” as you age. You retain the years before as you grow stronger and taller, growing new leaves. Those rings stay with you, telling the climate that has affected your growth. They tell over the sunny days, the warm days, the cold winter, and all those overcast days too. They tell of the moisture and how dry the year it was.

Despite the fact that the past is part of us and I often advise that one should not hold it close to their chest, the past at some point deserves and needs reflection. It sheds light upon the now, how we traveled such roads to arrive at our current destination without our journey of this life. The past is irrevocably a part of us, but we have to move on from it. We have to keep growing and growing, our focus on the now.

We can never forget the child that is a part of us. But we can grow beyond the problems that our 5 year old, 10 year old 16 year old and on and on had. They happened, psychological they affect us. The key factors in the new growth for us lie in recognizing such psychological occurrences and tackling the problem. I have often found many habits and quirks of my person is formed from the rings of the past the affect my psyche. Let me give examples…

I used to be afraid of black dogs. When I was younger than 7, I got knocked around by one and had objects stolen by a black dog. The way I tackled this was through exposure. I kept dealing with black dogs, many on leashes and well trained before the fear in my heart settled down and now I can pass by them and not be so terribly frightened.

I spent a long time depressed after a member of my family died. I wasn’t allowed to attend their funeral as my family did not deem it appropriate I miss school. I overcame this with getting closure, which in this case was visiting said family’s member grave.

I still struggle with focus, but I address this with eating better (I’m allergic to artificial flavoring and coloring) and meditation as well as brain games.

As a little girl, I endured verbal abuse from my family. I was called a whore, slut, a fuck up. Back then I didn’t understand it and it hurt.

If we don’t address the struggles we face, we never overcome them. We never put on new growth and remain stagnant and dying in a state of limbo. Each situation needs a different solution, no two solutions works alike. So the question in this lies in, what internal conflicts do you face? What psychological things have happened that affect you? These personal awareness and understanding of these factors help in growing from point a to point b.